How To Use The Power Of Empowering Words
The Bible tells us that there are powers in the tongue. It also tells us that the universe was set in place by the word of God. Since we are in the likeness of God, we know that our words also have power. We have the ability to build or to destroy with our words. Many times, we misuse words and discourage people with out use of words, but here are 3 ways that you can use words to build and empower others.
- Facilitate Positive “I am” statements
Ensure that “I am” and “you are” is always a part of your home, and when they are used, they are only affirming your God-likeness. Here are some examples of “I am” statements that you should practice and live on a daily basis. Declare them over your life and that of your spouse and family members.
I am healthy whole and sound.
I am weighing the right weight.
I am an amazing person.
I am healed completely.
I am relieved of aches and pains.
I eat healthy.
I am maintaining a normal blood pressure.
I am beautiful from the inside-out.
I am happy and blessed to have strong bones and teeth according to the word of God.
I am enjoying my beautiful skin in Jesus name.
I am not afraid of natural hormonal changes.
I am well rested; I am not stressed.
I am healed by the stripes of Jesus.
I am whole spiritually, socially, and physically.
I am an energetic being.
I am healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, hormonally, relationally, psychologically, socially and corporately.
In turn, you can equally on a daily basis declare these statements into the life of your spouse and children. When you make declarations, you have to know that you are not saying that things are this way now. You are transforming the spiritual and physical atmosphere by declaring that these things be manifested as you vocalize them. You are transforming the vibrations of the atmosphere and universe, and commanding their submission, so that change can be manifested. Remember, God put the Earth in your dominion, so just as a King commands, you must also declare what the state of your environment should be.
Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold”. Riches cannot buy a rich name! A good name is formed simply by repetition of words to volumes of people. Reputation usually is in connection with character, but for short stints, reputation can be inflated in a good or bad way without demonstrations of character. Your responsibility is to maintain a good reputation for you and your household; keep a royal remembrance of your family. You can maintain a reputation that encourages and challenges others to strive harder, to achieve godliness, and reach their highest potential in life by speaking positive affirmations and assigning names that increase others.
- Avoid Criticism and Contempt
In his book, The Seven Principles That Make A Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman said that he can tell within the first five minutes of meeting a couple whether or not they were a lifetime marriage or whether they would divorce. When I read his statement, I was quite astonished, and as I read further, I found that he had done a study monitoring the body’s response to words and actions between husbands and wives for 18+ years. Thru his discovery, he said that there are “four horsemen of the apocalypse” that cause horrible consequences to the health and well-being of the body: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. When the couple uses too many of these types of words, the marriage will not work simply as a means of protecting their health.
These types of words are typically used together; one leading to the other. They cause the body to break out in sweat, the blood pressure changes, the temperature rises, and over long stints of time, the body systems are less effective; making participants susceptible to many illnesses and diseases. Many scientists have studied the effects of our words on our surroundings, but you must also know that your words greatly affect your spouse and your environment.
Avoid destructive criticism and contempt. Hold others in high esteem with mutual respect. The things that you say become representations of who you say them about. Examples: “You always…..”, “You never…”, “O! So Mr. doesn’t want to follow rules, wants to talk?” such statements and derogatory words should be avoided. To avoid the horrible repercussions that come along with poisonous words, you must know the laws of speaking and listening.
As you speak:
- No blaming or no “you” statements
- Talk about how you feel in a specific situation, use “I” statements
- Express a positive need
As you listen:
- Be aware of your partner’s enduring vulnerabilities
- Turn toward your partner and postpone your own agenda
- Be tolerant by believing there are always two valid realities
- Make understanding your partner the goal of listening
- Be non-defensive
- Do not respond right away
- Get in touch with the partner’s pain.
- Be empathic—summarizing the partner’s view and validating by completing a sentence like “I can totally understand why you have these feelings and needs, because….”
Listening and responding to feedback that directly addresses our own imperfections is not easy; neither is it typically practiced until marriage. Using, “I” statements rather than “you” statements greatly cuts back on the other person’s perception of attack.
When my husband and I first got married, I was very proficient at seeing and addressing things that I perceived were “wrong”. I would say things like, “You always leave the shower head pointing to the bathroom floor!”, “You always leave the vegetables in the wrong part of the refrigerator”, and so on. In response to my accusation, he would typically respond with one of the other horsemen (criticism, contempt, stonewalling, or defensiveness). A typical response would be, “If you didn’t always…”, “O! So you want to talk?”, or silence as his blood pressure rose and rose as a result of the attack.
In my graduate studies at Liberty University, we had to use Dr. John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles That Make A Marriage Work as a textbook for one of my classes. As I read this book, I was able to see many of my own influences in the argumentative nature that would invade our space at times. I had to learn how to say words and address my husband in love. Since, I have learned to say, “I really appreciate when you do…”, “If you could do…, it would be so helpful”, and as a result, the four horsemen do not sneak up on us as commonly.
- Be Careful With Volume
When you talk too much, you lose respect, so be careful and constructive with what you say to each other. A few well-articulated thoughts would do more than a million words that hurt. Even more, watch how loud you speak to your spouse. If raising your volume is your only defense, you must turn inward, and examine yourself. Volume typically causes others to perceive hostility, and invites the four horsemen that we spoke of before. If you would like to maintain a happy marriage, you want to cultivate an environment of cooperation rather than conflict. How can you be a better listener and more understanding of your spouse’s views? How can you make solutions without becoming loud? You and your spouse should agree on how to effectively listen to one another.
What tips do you have for building others up in conversation? Leave your comments below.
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